April’s journey to fertility: Week twenty two

April is a CNY Fertility Center patient and has been on her journey to fertility for approximately two years. April will share candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face.

Week Twenty Two: The Voice from Within
Some weeks are better than others, and last week was not one of my better ones. My new cycle began four days early and someone at work asked me if I was expecting (which I can’t believe anyone does – ever!). Clearly, my IUI was not a success, which is incredibly disappointing. Actually, a failed cycle is heart wrenching, and I have had my fill of negative pregnancy tests. My bet is that you have had your fill as well. However, we must keep moving forward because we haven’t achieved our goal yet.

When I met with Dr. Cain during my baseline ultrasound, I received the proper dose of encouragement. She said that there was no reason to believe I would be an outlying factor and not become pregnant and reminded me that the majority of women undergoing fertility treatment DO become pregnant. Of course, the challenge is that none of us knows when a pregnancy will be achieved. After we had our discussion, Dr. Cain asked me if I wanted Dr. Kiltz to come in to give me a pep talk. I told her that was not necessary because she had done a great job of making me feel better herself. Although I have to admit, there was one other reason I did not need Dr. Kiltz to come in to brighten my spirits: I know that no matter how many doctors, friends, or family members tell me they believe I will become pregnant, I need to believe it. I know this because that little voice from within reminds me that I need to believe in myself and in miracles.  I need to remember that I am going to be a mother and that when I have my pivotal moment, the one where I hold my baby in my arms, none of this will matter.

I just need to truly believe…

My intention for all who are pursuing the dream of motherhood is simple: believe. For me, believing is not being afraid of a negative pregnancy test or a failed IUI or IVF cycle, it is not worrying that I will never become a mother, and it is not wishing I was someone who I am not (a fertile twenty something with no chronic illness). Instead, believing is about appreciating my journey to motherhood and knowing that one day I will reach my destination. Let’s all choose to believe instead of fear!

Blessings,
April all Year

Below are links to April’s past articles in case you missed any of them:

Week twenty one: Marital Bliss Part II

Week twenty: Marital bliss and infertility

Week nineteen: The changing seasons

Week eighteen: Grand Opening

Week seventeen: Trust your place

Week sixteen: Labels

Week fifteen: Keeping the faith

Week fourteen: Keep at it

Week thirteen: Maya Abdominal Massage

Week twelve: Acupuncture

Week eleven: A little bit at a time

Week ten: Well-timed reminders

Week nine: Summertime

Week eight: Resiliency

Week seven: Tiny miracles

Week six: Bahama Mama

Week five: The right path for us

Week four: Our fertility treatment “break”

Week three: Deliberate choices

Week two: This moment

Week one: My story

2 Responses to “April’s journey to fertility: Week twenty two”

1. Amy Allen says:

   October 20, 2009 at 9:39 am

   I have started to tell myself that if I could will myself to be pregnant, it would have already happened by now, so I guess my only choice is to sit back, (try to) relax and enjoy the ride. Your words of encouragement are wonderful, I look forward every week to reading your story. I think you are very brave to put this out there for all to read, it makes me feel like there are others going through my same struggles. Thank you, good luck!! Amy
2. Christianne says:

   October 22, 2009 at 8:40 am

   I read your articles every week but have never posted a comment. Yesterday, I found out my best friend is expecting their 3rd child. Let’s just say I was completely depressed and had the “woe is me” attitude. I decided to check the CNY website for some encouragement and hope, when I read your article. Keep believing. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. I need to keep believing that this will happen for me and I will hold my baby in my arms. Deep down I believe this but it’s often overshadowed by the “what-ifs”. So thank you for giving me my strength back and telling me to keep believing. I believe, truly believe. I really do!!!!

   Thank you April!

   ~Christianne