The emotional roller coaster
At the ripe age of 18 I found out that I would never be able to conceive a child naturally. I never really understood how much of an impact that would have in my life until I finally settled down and wanted to start a family of my own. I never really understood the struggle that I was going to go through. Here's my journey: I went thru, 3 Fresh IVF cycles & 4 Frozen all failed. I had such high hopes with each and every stage. I was emotionally connected to each follicle, embryo and blastocyst. They were all my babies! I had names for each and every one of the surviving blastocysts. I had dreams of doing things with them; raising them, going to the park, teaching them to walk, hugging them and telling them I loved them. I would hang the picture of the blastocysts on the refrigerator and would talk to them everyday and say "I love you" before heading out the door for work. The devastation I felt upon receiving the negative pregnancy results was always unbearable. I felt that my dreams and hopes of being a Mother was taken away (yet again) with every negative result and my chances of becoming a mother was slipping through my fingers. What had I done wrong? What could I have done different? Why me? Why couldn't I be one of the lucky few? Then the anger would set it in. Although it was an unfortunate thing to have to receive this devastating news, the only thing that kept me going and gave me some kind of hope was knowing that I had some frosties on ice (term used in IVF for embryo cryopreservation). This emotional roller coaster was going down hill but it would soon climb up again (I would tell myself). I wasn't ready to get off this ride. After changing clinics, I met with Dr. Kiltz at CNY Fertility. During my consultation I explained my journey (3 Fresh IVF cycles & 4 Frozen all failed) he asked if he could examine me (right then and there!!!). After my examination, he explained that my fallopian tubes may be full of hydrosolpinx (spelling?) and that could be the reason why the embryo's weren't sticking. He wanted to check and make sure: if his theory was correct, he would suggest removing my tubes and going through another fresh cycle with CNY Fertility. Removing my tubes was the best thing he could have ever done for me. Not only do I no longer suffer from painful menstruation periods, my very next fresh (4th IVF) cycle resulted in a live birth. ~Cooper Daniel was born July 20, 2007