Heather & Chelsea

Heather & Chelsea's Story:

Chelsea and I knew that we wanted to be parents after starting to date in the fall of 2016. For many years, we dreamed about what it would be like to bring a child into this world.

As a lesbian couple, we faced unique barriers when it came to the conception of a child. We focused our years of marriage on strengthening our bond and relationship so that we could support our child with love, consistency, acceptance, and stability.

We were hoping to start family building in 2021; however, my brother tragically died, and we knew we needed extra time to heal. We decided to begin the process in the summer of 2022.

Initially, Chelsea was going to be the carrier for our child, however in July 2022, she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. As a result, I stepped in to be our carrier.

We had our first IUI attempt in September of that year. Surprisingly to us, it worked! We found out we were pregnant on 9/28/22. We felt a mixture of joy, hope, and anticipation. For several weeks, all we could think about was the possibilities ahead. Unfortunately, in late October, we learned that our pregnancy was not viable. I had a miscarriage and began the grieving process of losing what we hoped would be our first baby.

I then had three additional cycles of IUI. We had the second one on 12/9/22 and the third on 4/15/23 after a delay due to an ovarian cyst. Unfortunately, both attempts were unsuccessful. We remained hopeful for our rainbow baby, and the fourth round of IUI resulted in a positive pregnancy!

We received an excellent consultation from Katy in the Rochester office prior to the fourth attempt; she recommended we try a more intensive round of medications, and I do believe this helped us experience a successful treatment.  We’d like to continue working with CNY for egg retrievals and/or IVF packages for another baby in the future.

Building strong queer families is important for us and our community. Many couples within the LGBTQ+ community are unable to access fertility services. Until this barrier is removed, our ability to create healthy, thriving families will be more limited than families from other demographics.

We are blessed with a strong support system that includes both sides of our families and many friends. We know that we will be able to raise a child who is surrounded by love and strong role models from all walks of life.

(Photos by Tess Polivka)

Favorite Team Member at CNY:

The nursing team at CNY Colorado Springs were fantastic. A special shout-out to Ena, Katie, and Mary who were remarkably supportive. We are also incredibly grateful we had a consultation with Katy Falcon in the Rochester office who helped guide our last round of treatment.

Helpful resources Heather & Chelsea found:

Acupuncture, regular exercise (walking), LGBTQ family planning resources, journaling, and relying on our support network.

The Moment:

At first, I was convinced that our fourth IUI attempt was unsuccessful. I think I was trying to emotionally protect myself from feeling the pain of it not working. So, when I got the call and voicemail that I was indeed pregnant, I was in complete and total shock. I surprised Chelsea later that afternoon with the news.

After having a previous miscarriage, we were cautious for a good chunk of the pregnancy. However, the moment our son came into the world, I could feel the biggest sense of relief - he was here! Our dreams had come true. Holding him for the first time was so peaceful and calm. In that moment of connection and love I knew that all of the difficulties along the way had all been worth it.

Hope, Inspiration and Advice:

I wish I would have known how lonely the journey can feel. Finding others who have been through it is immensely helpful. I think using the TTC time to also engage in self-care (massages, eating well, resting, etc.) helps reframe the experience as one that is helpful to your body. Most of all, I would say to rely on the people whom you love and trust — this journey is not for the faint of heart.